My day is just getting more and more surreal. It started off fairly normally with my daughter going to sleep for her morning nap and me getting on with the usual cleaning and tidying. I detest cleaning/tidying with a passion but I also detest a dirty house so it’s a necessary evil, I’d much rather be writing, knitting or sewing instead. Time passes by so quickly doesn’t it? I feel like it’s a waste when I’m not doing the things I’m passionate about.
I sat down at my keyboard to get some writing done before the police arrived. Hmmm yeah again not your normal everyday occurrence, but then not everyone works at the hospital where people were given insulin when they didn’t need it! It’s nearly two years ago and whilst it unnerves me that they don’t appear to have caught the perpetrator yet, at least whoever was doing it has stopped now. Talking to the police about it no longer scares me like it did in the early days. No matter how many times I reminded myself I’d done nothing wrong, it still freaked me out when they turned up to interview us. I’ve made enough statements and really didn’t think they’d be bothering me again.
After they left I quickly grabbed a late breakfast/early lunch knowing Elanore would wake up at any minute, as she’d been asleep for well over 2 hours (her normal napping time). All was silent, so I carried on writing, contacted an editor regarding a possible article, answered a few emails and had a quick break looking on Facebook. Eventually four hours after I put her down for her nap I decided enough was enough and I needed to wake her up! We had to get ready to go out for her ‘settling in’ session at nursery and we only had an hour left for lunch, getting changed, milk etc.! Four hour naps during the day are unheard of in our house, the most we’ve ever had before is three hour naps and even those long make me feel strangely uncomfortable.
So currently I’m sat in Costa typing this and drinking coffee on my own, no baby! Even here, where I’ve escaped the real world, things have been strange. After ordering my drink at the till I moved over to wait whilst they made my coffee. I turned to see the man in the queue behind me order his drink with the simple statement ‘Can I have the same please?’ Anyone who has been for coffee with me will already know why this unnerved me a little. Who, apart from me has a large decaf, soya latte with hazelnut syrup? Seriously who? It’s not that I’m pretentious, it’s just I’m a breastfeeding vegan with a sweet tooth and I’m not sure there are that many of us about!
As I’m waiting for my drink, The Cure starts playing followed by Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I’m still feeling ok, just hoping the bloke behind me doesn’t come and sit next to me when I sit down with my coffee. I quickly find a table and chair, cover the seat next to me with a newspaper and whip out the laptop and look busy. It works! He sits opposite me but I hide behind my screen.
I’ve just left my daughter for the first time at nursery, with people I don’t know and I feel surprisingly ok about it. I was expecting tears, a lot of them, (mine not hers) but they’re not coming. I’m hoping it’s because she’s already had a few settling in sessions with me there and that whilst I don’t know the staff I feel confident that she’s safe there. But it’s more than that isn’t it? It’s not just about her being safe it’s about her feeling happy and secure without me. As I walked out of the room she was sat playing, smiling, looking at the other babies without a second glance my way. Perhaps all this attachment parenting is working and I have a happy, confident daughter?